someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
