She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
