i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
