i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
