So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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