I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
