The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
