Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Randomize
