wanna go halves on a baby?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize