Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
