if only i could text you this smell
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
