haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
