By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
