it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
