why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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