dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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