Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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