I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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