Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
