mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
