My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I need water and some morals
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
