He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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