accomplished twins. life is a go
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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