last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
