We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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