Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
