Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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