she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
im calling her cock vulture from now on
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
