She told me I should be a condom model.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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