So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
