Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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