Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
