my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
