Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
