Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
