Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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