I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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