she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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