I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
