where am i from again
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
