she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
