He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
