evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
