it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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