It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
