i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Panties = found
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
