I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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