I want to stick my p in your. b.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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