it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
