____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
