How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
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