Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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