The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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