false alarm. still invincible.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
