I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
