I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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