did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
