yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
