I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
