so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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