We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
