i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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