I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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