I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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