The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I currently don't understand fingers.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
