you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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