My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
