he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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