How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
