she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
