his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
