I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You pole danced in your parka.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
